Looking at relationships that go wrong…

So, while working, I was listening to my mom’s iPod, which has an assortment of music on there. There was this particular song though that caught my attention and is the impetus for this particular ginger musing.

It’s Jo Dee Messina and Tim McGraw’s “Bring On the Rain.”

My twin sister was with someone for nearly five years. They moved in together and then this past summer, they were married in a beautiful ceremony that brought tears to my eyes (mostly because I was thinking about how my twin was taking the next big step in her life).

Within nine months of that gorgeous wedding ceremony, he said to her, “I don’t love you anymore.” They divorced and are now trying to figure out what to do about their house, which they had gotten not long before the marriage. Luckily, there are no kids in the picture.

That said, she’s, as one would imagine, not taking it very well. She had to move back home, so I get to see her most of the time now. And I’m worried, which is not surprising since I’m her twin. Obviously, after a breakup, especially of so many years together and when you think that person is your “soul mate,” there is bound to be a long, awful recovery process. I would not expect anything less nor would I encourage a more expedited process.

However, when does grieving over a broken heart turn into something more alarming? That is, at one point should you say, “Hey, maybe it’s time I intervene and suggest a therapist?” In other words, the last thing I would want to see is a bout of depression set in that’s longer than is typical in these situations.

With a breakup, one deals with feeling ashamed, embarrassed and their self-esteem certainly takes a hit. My twin is experiencing all of that.

I know all of these stages she’s going through all too well myself. I was with someone back in early 2011 through a little bit of 2012. She was my first relationship and my first love. We were only together five months, but given that she was my first love, the breakup was no easier on my psyche and emotions. It took me a considerable few months to recover. I did the classic things: drunk texting her, sober texting her, liking her material on Facebook, obsessively reading into everything she posted on Facebook/Twitter, hoping that eventually she’d miss me and we’d get back together, turning inwards wondering a million possible reasons she could have stopped loving me and so forth. From there it was proclaiming to the Gods that I would never love again, how could I, and that she was perfect for me.

Then it was disengaging from the hope that she would come back as a lover and trying to see if she wanted to be friends. That didn’t work either for obvious reasons and then it was wondering how she seemed to be a different person than the one I remember; how she could be with another guy already.

And soon, I stopped checking Facebook and Twitter. I stopped texting her drunk or sober. I stopped thinking about her. I no longer felt that pit in my stomach when I saw a picture of her. Certainly, I still think of the good times we had together, but now, it’s not so much a longing for her particularly, as it is a longing for that companionship in general again.

It is my hope that my sister will eventually get to that point and that she won’t be so jaded about the matters involving the heart.

Which brings me back to this song from Jo Dee Messina and Tim McGraw. I was really getting into it at work and was like, “Dammit, bring on the rain!” Because you know, the rain, it’s kinda beautiful in its own way. There’s something comforting about thunder and that bright light emanating from a lightning strike.

Sometimes, you just need to play in the puddles.

One thought

  1. Gender roles, hardwired biology, sexual predators, sociopaths, psychopaths, sadists, rapists, criminals, bullies, people who follow the status quo without critical thinking, and lying are why I don’t date. I’m bisexual. But, this world I was born into doesn’t impress me much.

    The first relationship I tried to get into was online. A guy who I found very interesting rejected me, and then I was crying for months. When I went into another online relationship with a different guy, he rejected me. Because I didn’t want to stoop so low by becoming a subordinate sex object. I cried for years. Then, I, again, went into an online relationship with this 3rd guy. We went our separate ways because of our different values. My eyes were crying a little afterwards.

    Online relationships, friends betraying me, dealing with sexist pigs, corruption from human nature, and other things have left me desensitised and misanthropic. I don’t intend on dating anymore as a result. There’s not a lot of motivation for me to listen to music anymore because my brain has become desensitised. Now, there’s no motivation to be either happy or sad for me. I just want to be free from my human nature and this world. It has always felt like a prison to me since I was a child.

    People don’t get me at all. So, I feel alone around people either way. I don’t have the ability to love anyone or anything despite the gender roles claiming that I’m a biological female who’s supposed to be nurturing even though I’m not. I hate shaving my legs, wearing makeup, being polite to assholes, and having my intelligence be insulted by sexist pigs. My personality type is I.N.T.J. I’m an atheist. My political view is secular capitalism without systemic sexism. I’m tech savvy to some extent, physically stronger than some females, and not submissively cooperative when always questioning everyone and everything. All of these things make it harder for me to get into relationships with guys when their hardwired biology prevents them from easily getting into relationships with girls who are intellectually, physically, and financially superior than them. I’ve been called a snob because of my high standards. Because I don’t want to stoop so low.

    Tim McGraw is who I used to listen to. Because I’m not a big fan of country music nor do I find myself listening to songs much anymore.

    To be brutally honest, I find that hardwired biology makes biological females be attracted to wealthy, physically strong, sexually attractive, confident, charismatic, competitive, and powerful biological males on average. That’s why there are biological females who write emotional and thirsty online comments about famous, sexy, wealthy, physically strong, and successful male actors such as Chris Hemsworth, Tom Ellis, Jensen Ackles, Robert Downey Jr., etc. on YouTube for example. You are an introverted homebody who mostly prefers to read, be with your dog, make blog articles, try new foods, and get involved inside of your head with your thoughts and feelings rather than be mostly drawn to money, power, success, getting a lot of notches in your bedpost, and other superfical things. So, it’ll be harder to get biological females to be attracted to you because of superficial things. You’re physically weaker than many guys. You’re not richer than billionaires from what I know. A lot more people know about Elon Musk more than they know about you. It’s these superficial things that make it more easy for you to find The One who’s not dating you because of your money, power, success, physical strength, and sexual attractiveness. Some girls are vile liabilities who don’t want to help society flourish and make their men do all of the work like selfish leeches. And I’m not talking about girls who have physical disabilities. At some point, girls making silly excuses that they don’t want to do anything at all and let men do all of the work entirely becomes a problem in society one way or another.

    I’m suggesting that you find a woman who is intelligent, trustworthy, and someone that will protect you and your children instead of a woman who is merely beautiful and entertaining. Because mere beauty and entertainment might not work when you get older and start to realise that youthful energy was making you impulsive rather than focusing on serious things that might matter to you in the future. Fame, money, power, dating sexy supermodels who are entertaining, and other things are quite superficial. Young men get attracted to girls for impulsive reasons, get married, and then end up getting divorced because they become mature and realised those girls weren’t meant for them forever. Do you want to have a child of your own and have to explain to them why their parents divorced or separated because you thought his mother was hot and entertaining, but she ended up not being the right person for you because she only cared about you for superficial reasons and didn’t care about your soul? Do you want your hypothetical child to have a deadbeat mother?

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