So, here are some whacky poems I did when I was much younger influenced in large part to the work of Shel Silverstein, specifically Where the Sidewalk Ends and Falling Up. As such, please forgive the amateurish nature of the poems, as well as the uh…lack of creativity regarding titles. I may update this as I discover some more of these.
I was riding on a plane one day
when the pilot said, “Mayday, mayday!”
The plane was going down with great motion
when crash, boom; it hit the ocean.
I was the sole survivor;
saved by a scuba diver.
Ten years later I got a new job.
You may think I’m a nut;
I got my license and became a pilot.
I was driving along the road
and my truck had a heavy load
when I saw a guy with his thumb out;
he was spooky without a doubt.
But I decided why not;
it was a bright day and it was hot.
So, he go in the seat next to me.
He sat there as quiet as can be.
Then he pulled out a gun.
I thought I was done.
He put some handcuffs on me
and tied me to a tree.
He was a cop who said,
“Picking up hitchhikers could land you dead.”
I was going to run away
no matter what my parents say.
I thought I’d run to some Egyptian tomb.
I put my shoes on my feet;
it’s too bad I locked myself in my room.
But I realized I can’t cross the street.
One day I went looking for the abominable snowman.
I searched and I searched all day long.
All throughout the time my results were no good.
But I promised some people I would.
I was beginning to feel dumber and dumber
because I was looking for him in the summer.
Once I tried crossing the border to Mexico;
I got arrested for what I don’t know.
I just wanted to see what it was like over there.
I don’t know why they would care.
It seems like it would be a cool place to live…
That’s what I get for being a fugitive.
I was wandering through the woods…
Who in their right mind would?
When it’s dark and damp
and your sides burn with a cramp?
You’ve been walking miles on end
and the leaves blew because of the wind.
The trees were very tall,
some were swaying like they would fall.
My legs were aching;
I wasn’t faking.
My body had taken its toll
when all of a sudden, I feel in a hole.
I want out, I’m going insane.
I’ve been looking for any sign of a plane.
My only light was from the moon.
I’d better get comfortable
because I’m not getting out of here anytime soon.
I was driving down the highway
on a sunny, bright day;
radio turned up to the max,
sitting back to relax
when I saw a car right behind me.
Getting closer and closer, as close as can be.
He’s too close, he’s going to send me to my death bed.
He’s honking some more,
but what for?
I decided to pull over and see
before he ran over me.
He came up to the window and began to knock.
I rolled down my window and he began to talk.
Sorry to chase you down, I’m no rat.
I just thought I should tell you
your tire is flat.
I was lost on a desert island.
It’s a plane they should send.
I’ve been here for days.
I have definitely over-welcomed my stay.
I went looking for water one day.
I got lost and went the wrong way.
I got tired out and couldn’t stand
when all of a sudden, I walked into quick sand.
I started to sink in the middle of dawn
until – poof – I was all gone.
School’s like a life all of its own.
It’s a happy time or a time to groan.
It’s a place where you sit for hours on end,
but it’s okay because you can talk to your friend.
It’s a place where lunch is the best class of he day;
then there’s recess where you can do what you may.
It’s a place where the clock goes slower than molasses
when you’re trying to get out of your classes.
A place where he day lasts really long
and the final bell is a welcome song.
It’s all good for all of us
to get to go home on the bus.
The bad thing about this that you should know;
you’ll do it all over again tomorrow.
I decided to go get the mail,
but I knew my master plan would fail
because I didn’t feel like getting it
and moving from my couch one bit;
I didn’t want to go on that far of a hike;
I wonder what a turtle must feel like.