From Here

My latest Flash! Friday entry based on utilizing the concept of “coming of age” with this photo prompt:

Past and Present, No. 2 1858 by Augustus Leopold Egg 1816-1863

Tethers detach with ease, whimsical, they are.

She breathed heavy into the hem of my dress, a hiccup of a sob, then the breathing again. My hand, numb, patted her frizzled hair. Like this most nights. Since she was born, too.

The moisture from the night air flirted with my nostrils, tantalizing. That’s when I knew it would happen. There’s never an epiphany. Just is. Just will be. Then.

Neighbors would come eventually, once the sobbing had properly coated their walls. Guilt tinged, then fleeted, no time for it.

I had waited and waited. The far-off distance beckoned with the promise of a tryst, of something enthralling. Not this. Not overflowing dishes, threads and needles, and late night head-patting.

The moon’s glint seemed sardonic in the night sky, as if aware of what I was to do. But the moon was a mistress I didn’t answer to.

She had come of age next morning and I had come and gone.


3 thoughts

  1. While the structure and flow of your story was solid (a strength of yours) I felt that it was devoid of emotion. As a reader If I don’t feel anything, (sad, angry, happy etc..) it’s hard for me to buy into it. This felt like it was more about prose than plot and character development. Obviously this is just an opinion and nothing more but I know this isn’t your best writing and I’m anxious to see your entry next week. Get back to doing what you do best; unique premise, multi-dimensional characters and prose that’s honest and real.


    1. Thanks for the feedback, man. I’m glad there’s someone willing to shoot straight. I agree for the most part, it’s a bit too vague, kinda smoke-and-mirrored with prose. I was excited by the prompt, but then nothing really came through in the end. Yep, as always, looking forward to what’s to come next week.


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