Poem: in the parking lot

Creative Commons photo I found to best try to depict the poem.

This is a poem I wrote back in early August; my first poem in 2020 (not counting haiku poems) and so far, the only thing I’ve managed to write about my break-up directly (obviously, said break-up has influenced much of my haiku poems and other writing, but I haven’t done anything directly). I submitted to a few places, some rejected it, and some, like Neuro Logical, were very kind to reject its first draft, and suggest some changes. I submitted a second version. They advised on a couple more changes. I naturally procrastinated on fixing them, and since it’s December now, and I wanted one more post for 2020, I figured I’d go ahead and give the world this poem. This “finished” project (is a poem ever finished?) is the second revised version after taking into account the edit suggestions from Neuro Logical, so many thanks to the editors there for their kindness and patience. If you know of my love of, and influence by, Bukowski, this poem will not surprise you.

For my last post of 2020, I offer you this poem:

in the parking lot

i go to the store for my
usual coffee to keep
on going before the
shadows reclaim me.

i stop

stay sitting in the parking lot
two rows over because
i thought i saw your car.
could be yours, at least.

little details like that
have begun to fade. i
just know the make and
model, the few dents.
But maybe you fixed them
like you did me, another
one of your dents.

i don’t know what i would
do if i saw you come out
of the store. before i would
beg you, plead with you
to take me back.
now i just stare, anxious,
we’re strangers again,
we kind of are.

no great climax. i leave.
a glimpse of you
could bring a glimpse
of him
and then i would
smolder into
my stupid black socks,
and be another
empty car
among rows of them.

6 thoughts

  1. So stirring, heartbreaking, and at times, it seems like disorientation from what the narrator remembers and currently experiences throughout the poem. The memories and how they correlate to the reality before them, it all changed. This is a beautiful and honest poem; I think it’s very well-written!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Brett, I think the poem shows talent and is publishable. In fact, I would be interested to publish it myself. I would suggest a few minor changes, but nothing that would change the meaning of the poem. If you’re interested in being published by The HyperTexts, you can email the poem to me along with some of your best haiku and other poems.


    Liked by 1 person

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